5/17 Personalities emerging—your names suit you!

5/17 Personalities emerging—your names suit you!

You've been in our lives 11 days..and you are each so beautiful and so perfect. You are sweet and good babies, who—for the most part—eat, sleep, and have quiet, alert, awake activity of looking all around with expressive wide eyes, taking in the world. Keegan, you know what you want and when the paci proves it has no milk, you tell everyone of the injustice. ;) Shaun you are quiet and content. If you speak your mind, we know to listen(!) because it takes a lot to upset you. Joshua, your tummy seems to bother you more than the others, so you fuss a bit after meals. But in all, you are each perfect and beautiful. I thank God He sent each of you to us. 

5/11 Shaun's going back into the hospital.

May 11 - Shaun's back in the hospital. 

On our first night home, Shaun had periods of duskiness around his mouth. So scary! As a nursing major, I knew that this was because of a drop in oxygen, but I didn't know what was causing it or how serious it was or wasn't. I listened to his rapid little heart with my steth, and his heart rate dropped a bit at times, but I'm not enough of a pro to know if it was due to his changes in activity level, if he has something like Zach's cardiac dysrhythmia (which is harmless to him), or if he was experiencing a more serious cardiac symptom (due to his prematurity and that he's a multiple). Why do these things never happen during the day?? At 10 pm, I was calling the on-call Kaiser nurse, my good friend who's an oncology nurse, who called our pastor's wife, who's a pediatric nurse, and I was texting my pediatric nursing professor. I am so thankful to have such *wonderful* resources!!! As he was having no other symptoms, we determined that we could safely stay home if someone was watching him all night. His grandmas volunteered for the shift so Dave and I could get some sleep and just do the feedings. They made a pot of coffee and stayed up with him—aaallll night. (Go moms!!!) The next morning, after calling his doctor, Shaun was allowed direct admission for overnight observation, and bypassed the germy and lengthy wait of the ER. *So thankful for our doctor!* Shaun's oxygen levels averaged in the low 90s, dropping to 80 with the duskiness, and we learned that recent research is showing that the circumoral cyanosis is less concerning if it doesn't involve the lips. So, Shaun dropped to the 80s with his circumoral cyanosis, but if it had reached his lips, his O2 would have likely dropped to be in the more concerning 60s or 70s. So that was reassuring! After monitoring his heart and oxygen overnight and doing an EKG, it was determined that any heart issues were normal newborn issues (PDA, PFO), and that it was likely that he just was suffering from reflux, which, in him, was causing a vasovagal response, dropping his oxygen level.  So reassuring to have had him monitored and to have such reassuring reports! He was sent home with Zantac for his reflux and the tiniest dose and syringe for this 4 1/2 pounder! He's so tiny, but so perfect! (And even as our littlest, he's such a good size compared to many, many other triplets. Again, we are so blessed.)

**This was written in hindsight. Going through it was a lot more emotional—especially with sleep debt! :)**

5/6 Welcome Keegan, Shaun, and Joshua! Miraculous. The birth and recovery.

5/6 Welcome Keegan, Shaun, and Joshua! Miraculous. The birth and recovery.

Your birth was beautiful! I got to watch you each being born in the reflection of the OR lights. Keegan, you came out bottom first. And Shaun and Joshua, you each came out feet first. The OR was filled with each of your first cries, and the beautiful chorus of the three of you crying your hellos together. Like we'd been praying for, you each were healthy and we all were able recover together and room together. 

Keegan Jonathan: 

Born at 1:54 pm

5 pounds 10 ounces

18" long

Keegan: Little fiery one. 

Jonathan: Gift of God.

Shaun Benjamin:

Born at 1:55 pm

4 pounds 8 ounces

17 1/2" long

Shaun: God is gracious. 

Benjamin: Son of my right hand. (and yes, he was on my right side! :))

Joshua Roger: 

Born at 1:56 pm

4 pounds 14 ounces

17 1/4" long

Joshua: The Lord is my salvation

Roger: Mighty warrior. (and you have a battle cry of a voice!)

All middle names were chosen for godly men in our lives who have loved us and influenced our lives tremendously. We love you and are so thankful for your presence in our lives! Also Joshua is Dave's middle name. We loved these names and their meanings. We pray you boys will grow in wisdom, godliness, and character!

The first few days in the hospital were miserable for my recovery. I hemorrhaged after birth making recovery even harder (as if it wasn't enough going from pregnant with three to none)! But you three were such joys. Joshua, you had a 10 hour stint in the NICU for blood sugar regulation, but no biggie. Not even an overnight in the NICU between the three of you. Shaun, you had the movie star treatment with sun glasses as you laid out under the bili lights. And you were all so beautiful, healthy, and perfect. 

What a miracle. That we had triplets. That I'm 5'1" and carried all three. That we were able to carry them to term for triplets to our scheduled c-section at 36.3 weeks. That I was able to finish my last semester of classes of nursing school. That we were able to recover together after the c-section. And that they were all take-home babies!!!!  God, you are amazing. Thank you for answering our prayers! 

5/6 Happy Birthday!

Thursday, May 6:

Today's the day! It's a good day for three birthdays! This morning is cloudy and cool, and it's supposed to be beautifully sunny later. I imagine it will be just as you are three are born!  Can't wait to meet you! 

5/5 The night before the c-section.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Night before our c-section:

Final stats by my c-section date: 

I am 36.3 weeks pregnant

I measure 52 weeks pregnant—52 cm to top of funds. 

I am 52 inchs around.  

(I'm still only 61 inches tall!) :)

I've gained 46 pounds. 

Wow!!! My body has changed and compensated so much in the last 8 months! What a miracle. …And not unlike birth, it's a gross miracle—but beautiful in it's own way. I'm actually going to miss my huge belly! Sure, it's inconvenient, terribly heavy, Dave has to help me up and down into bed or on the sofa, and creates it's own problems, but it's been with my every day, growing and growing. I'm used to it now. What will it feel like tomorrow when it's suddenly smaller? (And by smaller, I've been joking that I'll now look only 9 months pregnant. :) Who knows?!?)   I'm scared for the after effects on my body, but looking forward to meeting the the little boys my body has nourished and grown through this process. Thank you, God, for allowing Keegan, Shaun, and Joshua to grow this long in my body!!! Please bless their birth tomorrow!!! Help them to thrive outside the womb and be born with no complications. Help the birth process for me to be smooth as well, that I'd respond well to the anesthesia and recovery from it, that there'd not be too much bleeding, and help them be able to stop it with no difficulties. (The uterus has been over distended and may have trouble contracting, so complications have been discussed with me and solutions are meds, transfusions, and hysterectomy—in that order.)

Today, we met with a neonatologist who was wonderful in helping us understand babies born at this age…complications they may face, and how well they'll do. Overall, they'll do great, but may have a few lung troubles, or challenges learning to feed, but all will balance out very quickly. 

Unfortunately, I started coming down with a cold yesterday… sore throat, sneezing, coughs, low-grade fever, and congestion. I've taken so much vitamin C today and have had so much water in trying to combat this cold. More importantly, people are praying for a miraculously quick healing! As of tomorrow, I'll have had major abdominal surgery and have stables in my stomach—this is NO time to be coughing or sneezing. Much more importantly, I'll have three premie babies who CANNOT get sick! 

And now, little ones—Keegan, Shaun, and Joshua, I cannot wait to meet you! I can't wait to see if you, Keegan and Joshua, are as active as you've been in utero! Shaun, will you be quieter and more reserved? You are much quieter than the other two (unless I just can't tell based on your position). You only seem to really get going when I rock. You have always had a lower baseline for your heart rate too. (120s, whereas Keegan and Joshua have been in the 140s to 160s).  I can't wait to see if you three get the hiccups as much outside as you did inside. (Keegan, you got them the most!) I can't wait to see how much you weigh, what you look like, and get to know your personalities. And yet…this all seems so surreal! We've been waiting and waiting for this moment—praying we'd get here. Now we're here, and it seems like I need another week. I was ready and excited two nights ago, and yet tonight, it just seems so hard to grasp that tomorrow night, we'll be in recovery together, getting to know each other. On Friday, you'll get to meet your big brother, Zachary! He's so excited to meet you! He's been waiting for this day, counting down to it. He'll be such a good big brother too!!!  We can't wait, little ones! I love you already. 

Much love, Mommy. 

4/30 C-section date is set!

4/30

As I've journeyed through the last seven months, processing triplets, I've gone through grief, anxiety, and acceptance, repeatedly—even to these last few days! Dave has been so sweet in letting me process my honest and raw emotions, without judgement, and as a result, I feel that I am now honestly ready to meet these little ones. …as ready as one can ever be! :)

Yesterday, we set the c-section date! It was such a wonderful time with Dr. Gogia. She really helps us think through things, weigh the risks, prepare us for what will happen and what could happen. She has truly heard my heart over the pain of my last c-section, has made sure that the anesthesiologist that I had with Zachary will not be doing the c-section this time, and I feel confident in her ability and her calm. Now, all that is left is to pray for the surgeons, the anesthesiologist, the nurses, and the surgery, as well as great outcomes for the boys and for me! It was wonderful to set a date and it was so scary as well!!! Now we have a date, and if they don't surprise us and come sooner, they will be here a week from yesterday! May 6 at 1pm. It's so close. Reality is upon us. This is the last week, I will get to hold them all at the same time, safely, snugly, securely, in my belly; the last week that I will get to nourish them without the lack of sleep and challenges of tiny infants learning to breastfeed. This is the last week that we have as a family of 3. This is the last week of Zach being our only child; that he will have a room to is own and his Mommy and Daddy to himself.  There is much to be missed, and much to look forward to. But transition and change is hard.  

This week at small group, Matthew asked us to reflect on the sermon from Sunday—God's beauty and where do we see it. Well, nothing profound specifically came to mind, but many small things did. I see beauty in Zach's precious face and voice when he talks to me. I see beauty in nature, God's creation. I see beauty in the incredible ways He's provided for us financially in this pregnancy (with unexpected gifts, and the generosity of friends and family), and that He's provided for me emotionally in this pregnancy, through Dave, Linda, Alicia, Tabitha, Marla, etc., and my small group. And while this pregnancy has distorted my body, likely beyond what it can readily recover from, it is beautiful that it has adapted to carrying these three little ones. And while there is ugliness and unsightliness in the body (during and after pregnancy) and in the delivery itself, there is a remarkable and profound beauty that comes right after, as the first little cries of life itself break through the air for the first time. As each messy little baby is wiped off and they adjust to the air and light of the delivery room and then they are handed to Mommy and Daddy, there is such a greater beauty to be discovered than the few minutes prior. From the miracle of their conception, through the beauty of pregnancy, through the miraculous, painful, and messy process of birth, to the beauty of us meeting them. The beauty after the pain and trials will be greater than the beauty we knew before. I can't wait to meet you, Little Ones. You are precious to me already! 

God, please keep them safe and growing this last week. Please bless this next journey as they enter the world. Please bless our last week together as a family of three. 

4/6; 4/26 School is done! And I'm still pregnant! 35 weeks. Miraculous.

4/6

I really do journal infrequently! I find that there's little time between balancing Zachary, school, and this pregnancy! It may be better that I don't journal frequently, or it may've turned into a gripe fest of symptoms. This pregnancy isn't one to mess around with! It's rough and tough!

4/26 

Well, I got interrupted from writing on the 6th and now it's the 26th. Wow. Time flies. I don't know how people continue to journal or blog AFTER their babies are born! Well, since the 6th, I've finished school—wahoo! and praise the Lord! I will officially be able to walk for my BSN on May 29th! (…Who knows when I'll take my boards, but that'll come.) Then I finished 45 thank you notes. And now… I wait. I'm 35 weeks today. I will deliver sometime in the next 2 weeks—probably sometime next week. Some moms by this point are begging the doctors for a c-section now due to the discomfort, etc., but for me, not only do I rationally know it's best for them inside (continuing development of the lung, the suck/swallow/breathe skills, the GI with decreasing likelihood of reflux…), but emotionally, I nervous! What will it be like to have three little ones at once?? What will it be like to hold three of them?? (I realize this will not be the norm to hold three at once, but what will it be like??? What will it be like to try and learn with each one of them how they best breast feed, and get them passed that initial, difficult learning curve? What will it be like to change — not 8 diapers a day — but 24? How will I rock them, know them individually, and love them enough? I'm scared. I never asked for three. I never dreamt of having three at one time. When I asked God this morning how in the world would I do three at once, and how does He love and care for all His children at once, He seemed to press on my heart, "Just take one at a time." Lord, please give me strength, grace, knowledge, wisdom, and love enough to tend to each of my 4 boys needs and hearts! Will you please help me, Lord? I know that I cannot do it on my own!!!! 

Despite my fears, I can't wait to hold each one. I wonder, what will they look like? How big will they be? Will I have the same sort of instant bond and connection with each of them as I did with Zachary? I was almost as nervous prior to meeting Zachary! And that was amazing! :) I guess my biggest worry is that I don't have enough hands to hold all three at once. I don't have enough breasts to feed all of them at once.  Lord, please multiply me. Please help my sons each feel connected with Dave and with me and with each other. Let them never feel a lack. 

Lord, I can take comfort in the fact that you did choose to give me three. And you chose for me to be the mother of these boys specifically. It's not a matter of if it will happen or if I can do it… It IS happening. Therefore, I will do it. OK, then. off we go!