10/2: Our first scan. It was too early today to see a heartbeat, but we did see a little gestational sac. There it was. Zachary's sibling, our next child. We'd just had our first encounter with our little one. The midwife made some comment about, "There it is, just one! …sometimes it's exciting to have more than one, but one is good!" I replied with some sort of a pshht sound to the idea of multiples, glad of just one. She wasn't able to get around the uterus for a different angle (mine's tipped a bit and can be tricky), so she moved instead to scan the fallopian tubes to make sure there was no ectopic pregnancy and to measure my ovarian cysts. Dave at this point had started daydream about what he was going to order from Starbucks when we were through with the scan. After all, the midwife was just wrapping up… I on the other hand had a much better view of her face and watched her intently as she started scrunching up her face and leaning in to the look closer at the screen now and again. "What do you see?" I asked. The reply, "I was able to get to the back of your uterus now, and I see, one, two, three pregnancies!" "WHAT!?!?!?" came my very surprised, tearfully stunned, and oh-so-articulate exclamation. Dave's head snapped to..Something about a hazelnut latte, and …did she just say THREE!?!? This was followed my much stunned conversation, Dave and I grasping for each others' hands, me tearing up and shaking….not sure what to do with this information. I was so glad, to be sure, of them, but the shock of three was overwhelming. Two would be hard to carry, birth and raise, (heck, one is) but…THREE?? My thoughts raced. I'm 5'1"!!! Only tall women should have multiples. My torso ran out of room in my pregnancy with Zachary! how in the world would three fit in there? Preterm complications and the NICU flashed in my head. (I'm a nursing major and L&D/women's health is where I want to practice, so there may be a few more details in my head readily available to obsess over.) Where would we put them all? …breastfeeding???…something I am committed to doing, just became a whole lot harder logistically.
All who know me, know that since having Zachary, having twins was my worst nightmare. Zachary is wonderful! No doubt about this. The joy of parenting him is indescribable. There are so many challenges, however in parenting (whether it's breastfeeding the newborn, or parenting a toddler or preschooler), that there's no way I wanted more than one at a time. Some girls dream about having twins—not me! The main question I face (and perhaps all parents do) is how to keep sane and do my best and give our son what he needs emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually to develop into the amazing young man I know he is becoming. To do this with more than one??? Wow. So now, I'd like to revise my worst nightmare. I believe that triplets would be harder. Much harder. But it is God who has given us this path, and it is God who will be with us every step of the way.
"Had there been any other condition that would have been better for you, the Lord would have put you there." Charles Spurgeon
"There is enough in Christ for all my necessities; let me not be slow to avail myself of Him." Spurgeon
Today was too early to see heartbeats yet. The Nurse Midwife said that this is very normal, but 'you never know..sometimes one or more just don't develop. But with three, we've got a very good chance of having at least one healthy, developing little one.') We'll go back on 10/10 for our next scan. And in the meantime, I'll TRY not to obsess about the possibility of three little ones developing inside of me.
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