4/30
As I've journeyed through the last seven months, processing triplets, I've gone through grief, anxiety, and acceptance, repeatedly—even to these last few days! Dave has been so sweet in letting me process my honest and raw emotions, without judgement, and as a result, I feel that I am now honestly ready to meet these little ones. …as ready as one can ever be! :)
Yesterday, we set the c-section date! It was such a wonderful time with Dr. Gogia. She really helps us think through things, weigh the risks, prepare us for what will happen and what could happen. She has truly heard my heart over the pain of my last c-section, has made sure that the anesthesiologist that I had with Zachary will not be doing the c-section this time, and I feel confident in her ability and her calm. Now, all that is left is to pray for the surgeons, the anesthesiologist, the nurses, and the surgery, as well as great outcomes for the boys and for me! It was wonderful to set a date and it was so scary as well!!! Now we have a date, and if they don't surprise us and come sooner, they will be here a week from yesterday! May 6 at 1pm. It's so close. Reality is upon us. This is the last week, I will get to hold them all at the same time, safely, snugly, securely, in my belly; the last week that I will get to nourish them without the lack of sleep and challenges of tiny infants learning to breastfeed. This is the last week that we have as a family of 3. This is the last week of Zach being our only child; that he will have a room to is own and his Mommy and Daddy to himself. There is much to be missed, and much to look forward to. But transition and change is hard.
This week at small group, Matthew asked us to reflect on the sermon from Sunday—God's beauty and where do we see it. Well, nothing profound specifically came to mind, but many small things did. I see beauty in Zach's precious face and voice when he talks to me. I see beauty in nature, God's creation. I see beauty in the incredible ways He's provided for us financially in this pregnancy (with unexpected gifts, and the generosity of friends and family), and that He's provided for me emotionally in this pregnancy, through Dave, Linda, Alicia, Tabitha, Marla, etc., and my small group. And while this pregnancy has distorted my body, likely beyond what it can readily recover from, it is beautiful that it has adapted to carrying these three little ones. And while there is ugliness and unsightliness in the body (during and after pregnancy) and in the delivery itself, there is a remarkable and profound beauty that comes right after, as the first little cries of life itself break through the air for the first time. As each messy little baby is wiped off and they adjust to the air and light of the delivery room and then they are handed to Mommy and Daddy, there is such a greater beauty to be discovered than the few minutes prior. From the miracle of their conception, through the beauty of pregnancy, through the miraculous, painful, and messy process of birth, to the beauty of us meeting them. The beauty after the pain and trials will be greater than the beauty we knew before. I can't wait to meet you, Little Ones. You are precious to me already!
God, please keep them safe and growing this last week. Please bless this next journey as they enter the world. Please bless our last week together as a family of three.
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