4/6; 4/26 School is done! And I'm still pregnant! 35 weeks. Miraculous.

4/6

I really do journal infrequently! I find that there's little time between balancing Zachary, school, and this pregnancy! It may be better that I don't journal frequently, or it may've turned into a gripe fest of symptoms. This pregnancy isn't one to mess around with! It's rough and tough!

4/26 

Well, I got interrupted from writing on the 6th and now it's the 26th. Wow. Time flies. I don't know how people continue to journal or blog AFTER their babies are born! Well, since the 6th, I've finished school—wahoo! and praise the Lord! I will officially be able to walk for my BSN on May 29th! (…Who knows when I'll take my boards, but that'll come.) Then I finished 45 thank you notes. And now… I wait. I'm 35 weeks today. I will deliver sometime in the next 2 weeks—probably sometime next week. Some moms by this point are begging the doctors for a c-section now due to the discomfort, etc., but for me, not only do I rationally know it's best for them inside (continuing development of the lung, the suck/swallow/breathe skills, the GI with decreasing likelihood of reflux…), but emotionally, I nervous! What will it be like to have three little ones at once?? What will it be like to hold three of them?? (I realize this will not be the norm to hold three at once, but what will it be like??? What will it be like to try and learn with each one of them how they best breast feed, and get them passed that initial, difficult learning curve? What will it be like to change — not 8 diapers a day — but 24? How will I rock them, know them individually, and love them enough? I'm scared. I never asked for three. I never dreamt of having three at one time. When I asked God this morning how in the world would I do three at once, and how does He love and care for all His children at once, He seemed to press on my heart, "Just take one at a time." Lord, please give me strength, grace, knowledge, wisdom, and love enough to tend to each of my 4 boys needs and hearts! Will you please help me, Lord? I know that I cannot do it on my own!!!! 

Despite my fears, I can't wait to hold each one. I wonder, what will they look like? How big will they be? Will I have the same sort of instant bond and connection with each of them as I did with Zachary? I was almost as nervous prior to meeting Zachary! And that was amazing! :) I guess my biggest worry is that I don't have enough hands to hold all three at once. I don't have enough breasts to feed all of them at once.  Lord, please multiply me. Please help my sons each feel connected with Dave and with me and with each other. Let them never feel a lack. 

Lord, I can take comfort in the fact that you did choose to give me three. And you chose for me to be the mother of these boys specifically. It's not a matter of if it will happen or if I can do it… It IS happening. Therefore, I will do it. OK, then. off we go!